I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
