I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
