Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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