I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
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I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
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He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Your penis caused this!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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