The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize