I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
are you so shy because you have an std?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
