I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just had sex on a roof
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
