Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize