I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
