hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
