I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
