If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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