She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
