He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
