WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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