At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
