Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize