i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
im six kinds of drunk right now
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
