hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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