thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
