My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
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Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
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We're not piercing ourselves today.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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