I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
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I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
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I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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