happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
