Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Welp...herpes.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
