I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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