Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
