First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I still have a little drunk in my system
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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