Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
