RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
