I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
