I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
