every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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