Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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