remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
