the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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