I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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