I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
