Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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