Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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