there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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