my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
