party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize