the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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