shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
