I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
