I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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