so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Randomize
