she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
