I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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