New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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