so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
