Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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