how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
