just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
