The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
