We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
