I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
