would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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