I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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