the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
NoShamevember. You game?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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