My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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