Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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