I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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