i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
