just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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